i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
