I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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