I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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