fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
