Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
