census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
