If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
