she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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