i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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