I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
