This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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