how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
