Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
