Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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