I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
