So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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