You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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