How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
