Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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