Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
