i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
