You're completely useless in the revolution.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
