just tell him i said nine months
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
