His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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