two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
