Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
