I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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