What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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