the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
