I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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