also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
