Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
