based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
