Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
