Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
