Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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