I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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