i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
