just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
