He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
