She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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