He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
