I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
