I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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