soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
