WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
