Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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