sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
