Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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