I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
