Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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