someone threw a dead crab at me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
