tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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