My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
