At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I touched a dick in church today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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