Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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