guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize