this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
