I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
