shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
