I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
