She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
