Jerry, you need to find god
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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