his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
